Another full lap around the sun.

Presently, I find myself in an enviable position: I realize that I am in the best shape of my life, physically, mentally and spiritually. All these things have been at the forefront of all of my intentions and I realize (only in retrospect) that “improvement” has been a silent and very deliberate undercurrent since moving up to New York.

“For those who have dwelt in depression’s dark wood, and known its inexplicable agony, their return from the abyss is not unlike the ascent of the poet, trudging upward and upward out of hell’s black depths and at last emerging into what we saw as ‘the shining world.’ There, whoever has been restored to health has almost always been restored to the capacity for serenity and joy, and this may be indemnity enough for having endured the despair beyond despair.”

- William Styron
Darkness Visible

Being in New York  has something to do with it. Also, having sorted through friends and enemies worth keeping, I find that being surrounded by  fellow celebrants of the harvest, the few in my life now, makes all the difference.

E quindi uscimmo a riveder le stelle.
(And so we came forth, and once again beheld the stars.)

- Dante
The Inferno

We were there because the fabulous L had decided to take me out on a day-long hike when I’d made the mistake of confessing that I hadn’t spent much time with the natural environment. So we headed out to upstate New York to check out the Teatown Reservation Trail and to do something I wouldn’t normally do: walk around in nature voluntarily. And that’s exactly what I did for most of the day. It was her birthday present to me.

Where the deer lay.

Moss.

Sunset behind us.

Clouds over very quiet water at dusk

© 2009 Cedric Victor.

I came home filled with the silence of the winter trees and the still water. We saw few birds–the few we saw were a reward. But mostly the thing I realize now–hours later into the night– is how we were underneath the sky the whole time, quietly governed by the sun moving overhead and the sky changing color from bright blue to deep, frozen aubergine.

The Leonid meteor shower came and went last night. In New York city, obstacles were the clouds and the light pollution around us. Made me wish I was upstate, to eliminate at least one of the two.

Woke up at 5:30 and headed out to White Plains. Came home and continued working on things before heading out to train. A good day.

“Strange though this may sound, not knowing where one is going, being lost, being a loser, reveals the greatest possible faith and optimism, as against collective security and collective significance. To believe, one must have lost God; to paint, one must have lost art.”
– Gerhard Richter

Went up to the new school to work on it. We got a lot done, things are beginning to take shape.

Headed over to SUGAR in Bushwick tonight to meet curator Gwendolyn, Jacqueline and David Frye. It was good to get out, despite the rain, and be in the company of people with whom there was a great and immediate rapport. I like it when things are this fluid.

I wish the sky were clear tonight. I have been hoping to be able to see the Leonid meteor shower but from the forecast today, as well as the state of things in the curtain of night, no luck.

Been looking into boxing gloves, shin pads and a mouth guard. Looks like it’s going to get interesting with Krav Maga soon.

I woke up and headed up to White Plains for the usual gig. Came home, rested up and am working on music for the rest of the night. The piece for the video project is coming along well.

Spoke to an interesting guy about an interesting gig about a Ph.D thesis paper and a business plan. Let’s see what happens.

Went down to the under-construction Krav Maga school and worked on the space for a few hours today. Then met up with a friend and headed over to Lincoln Center to watch Bill Maher do stand-up comedy for well over an hour. A good opportunity to see a live performance critically from the audience.

The test went exceptionally well and–for what it’s worth–I scored well above average on all of the material. Scores matter little in a life-threatening situation(for which we prepare), but for the sole purpose of establishing a gauge for how well I know the principles of the art, I did well. There’s something comforting and simultaneously challenging about wearing a new stripe around my waist. On the one hand, I feel part of a tribe and it’s the first time I have felt comfortable within any tribe of any kind. On the other hand, I expect that the nature of this tribe is to help me push myself mentally, physically and even spiritually.

Went out for a social thing with other fellow-testers.

It has been a good day. Now to prepare for marking the event on my body.

It’s hard to fathom the life of a professional MMA fighter. The regimen consists of training day in, day out and pushing the body as hard as it can be pushed without sustaining injury. Despite the coaches and the friends and the family support, I suspect it’s a very lonely and existential thing, until you get into the ring and administer violence upon the one other person that can sympathize with you.

Went up to White Plains, came back and trained until about 22:00, going over all techniques one by one. I am glad I went to bed at a decent hour last night, getting up at 5:00 with this kind of regimen is no joke. My body feels considerably better than I expected it to after yesterday’s slams. Let’s see what today’s workout brings when I get out of bed tomorrow morning.